How To Disappear Completely
by Skep
Summary: In which Ron isn't here, and this isn't happening. Slash, weirdness, &c.


Title: How To Disappear Completely  
Author: Skep  
Inspired by: The Radiohead song of the same name, found on the album 'Kid A'. Definitely worth a listen.  
Disclaimer: I own nowt but the plot. No infringement intended.  
Feedback: Reviews and encouragement are welcomed with open arms; flamers will be mocked.  
A/N: To all those waiting for Pockets - I know you'd all rather this was chapter 7, but give it a try. It's still Remus/Ron, at least! And as a side note, chapter 7 is written and in the stage of "Lord, this is terrible, and needs far too much work for me to handle right now." Uni is a bitch.

_How To Disappear Completely_

It starts in the summer that Ron buys his first pack of cigarettes; that summer after the Department of Mysteries. The house is becoming oppressive - they're not staying in The Burrow because Grimmauld Place is _safer_, better for _Harry _even though Harry won't be coming to stay for quite some time.

Ron thinks he'd rather live in danger in a place where the only oppressive thing is his family than in this decaying house where the very _air _is trying to suffocate him.

He leaves the house when his mother isn't looking; walks down to the corner shop where he hands over foreign coins in exchange for things that he'd be shouted at for buying, if anyone knew.

He toys with the lighter only momentarily before lighting the cigarette. He's only done this once before, so has to wait a little while as the coughing dies down. The second puff is better, though, and by the end of the fag it feels like he's been smoking forever.

He smirks to himself and walks back to the house. He shares a smile with Remus, who goes with Ron the next time he feels like a walk.

oOo

Ron goes back to school and doesn't study, and Hermione chides him for it, but he still doesn't work.

She can't stop him from smoking either, and one lazy Saturday he chain-smokes two packs by the lake, just because he can.

oOo

Sometimes, Harry has nightmares and Ron will slip into Harry's bed to comfort him.

As they lie there, with Ron's long arms providing warm comfort, Harry will sob and beat at Ron's chest, crying and shouting for his godfather.

There are times when they do this that Ron forgets he's not the man Harry is talking to.

oOo

Ron leaves school with passing marks in all of his subjects and the threat of Voldemort still looming in the air, just like they never thought it would be.

Hermione moves on to a traineeship in France, and Harry goes to Auror training. Ron gets blind drunk and kisses Remus because it feels like the right thing to do.

He wonders if anyone would mind, and then decides he doesn't care.

oOo

The changes are gradual, but one day Ron steps into 12 Grimmauld Place and something is different.

The house is almost welcoming, warmer than it's even been before. Mrs Black screams at him with malignant passion that she'd only ever directed at the last member of the Black bloodline; screeches about being a blood traitor, about being worthless and scum, and Ron yells back for all he's worth.

It's when he turns away he sees his mother standing in the doorway - his _own mother _looking at him with the disapproving expression that she only uses in this house - that Ron realises that he's not Ron any more.

oOo

He socialises when the occasion calls for it; red wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other. He laughs and talks like there's nothing wrong in the world, a broad grin convincing others, if not himself.

He's invited to a Christmas party at Hogwarts one time – and somehow he _knows _that it's Harry's doing – and surprises himself with the sneer that he greets Snape with.

With shock and no understanding on her face, Hermione pulls him away; but not before he notices that Snape sees him with black hair and blue eyes and high, regal cheekbones.

Later, when they stumble into the Potions Master's quarters in a frenzy of hands and lips and teeth, Ron absently wonders if Remus will be able to smell the other man on him.

oOo

There are times when Ron wants to shout to the world that he's still himself, just as he always was. He's fiery, dependable Ron, and his mind is the same as ever, if only they'd just look at him properly and _see _that –

But then when Remus presses a kiss to Ron's mouth and murmurs his dead lover's name, Ron pretends not to hear and kisses back.

oOo

He finds a box of old vinyl one day, tucked away in a cupboard of one of the unused rooms.

There's no doubt as to whom the records once belonged – although Remus admits he as once a fan, he's more into Benny Goodman than Joe Strummer – so Ron packs them up and takes them into his own room.

By the time he's called down for dinner, Ron knows all the words to 'White Riot', and doesn't find his ripped old clothes so bad anymore.

oOo

Ron doesn't bother to cut his hair, so it grows long around his face, hanging in a mass of crimson waves. They're the wrong colour, but the grin on Tonks' face when she sees them makes Ron smile too.

oOo

He keeps two jobs, something that he feels he shouldn't have want nor need to do.

The manual labour at the timber yard keeps his muscles long and lean and calluses form on the pads of his fingers. When people shake his hand, Ron wonders if they can tell that they've not been formed from hours of running on all fours.

When he serves drinks at the pub and woos the customers with a roguish smile, Madam Rosmerta reminisces about the time she was charmed into giving the Marauders free Fire Whiskey.

Ron's old enough to buy his own, but Rosmerta gives it to him anyway.

oOo

Ron visits Hagrid one day, just for old times' sake, and discovers the flying motorbike. He buys it off the groundskeeper without a second thought.

Hagrid warns him that no good ever came from living a dead man's life, but all Ron does is flash the winning smile and speed off into the air; flying with an ease that makes it look like the bike has been his all along.

oOo

With his next paycheck, Ron buys a battered leather jacket that fits him better than any of his other clothes ever have.

He feels comfortable in it, like it's the clothing he was born have, and keeps it on when he's inside the house.

When he sees Ron wearing it, Remus can barely suppress a hungry growl before pressing Ron up against the wall in his bedroom.

oOo

Ron finds it hard to remember the days when Harry was his best friend, because now his role is that of protector.

While Harry sits conversing with Dumbledore, Ron stands next to him, ever guarding, with one hand on the black-haired man's shoulder.

As the leave to walk through the halls of Hogwarts, Ron idly comments that it feels wrong to be walking on two legs.

Harry smiles, and the next day Ron checks a book on animagus transformations out of the library.

oOo

And now he's here; bloodied, bruised, and lying on the rugged ground. There's a battle raging around him, but he doesn't pay attention to it. Peter Pettigrew points his own wand at him.

All that Ron can think of is the silvery coolness of the Veil, and he laughs.

oOo


End file.
